How did i fall in love with you?
by Charliebunny07
Summary: Mulder and Scully in a relationship of convenience...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **_Mulder and Scully belong to my god, Chris Carter, but he let me borrow them again._

**Chapter one**

Dana Scully woke in a bed that wasn't hers, but wasn't unfamiliar. It hadn't been for quite awhile now. She lay still for a minute, taking in the moment before she had to return to reality. She looked over at the man laying next to her. Envying him for his peaceful slumber.

Fox Mulder stirred slightly, but didn't wake.

She liked it better when she could leave while he was still sleeping. No awkward words could be exchanged, and their actions didn't need to be explained.

She quietly got up and dressed.

Dana exited the apartment building. The night, or early morning, however you wanted to look at it, was comfortably cool for summer.

It was nearing five am. She needed to get home to change and shower for work.

Dana got in her car and headed for home.

As she drove home, Dana reflected on her situation for what seemed like the millionth time. She never thought that she and Mulder would have this kind of relationship. It really was out of character for her; for both of them.

It was a year ago that they decided on the arrangement, well that Mulder asked her for it. They knew that it was difficult to carry on relationships with other people. It was too complicated with the work they did, but they were human and they did have a need for physical contact. They both knew that they could trust each other to not become too invested in it or at least to not complicate things.

Four months ago it was easy for her, but now, Dana knew that she was starting to feel something more then just lust for her best friend.

They always had a comfortable friendship, and it always seemed that with time they may have crossed into that territory, but this arrangement was Mulder's idea. No true commitment, nothing to keep him tied down. She was fine with it in the beginning, but now she was feeling like he was getting the better part of the deal. She blamed him for her feelings she was developing for him, and for the feelings of being used. She reprimanded herself; she _knew_ that was not how he saw it and that was never how would want her to feel. She was just letting herself get confused.

Dana knew that she could end it anytime, but the thing of it was, she didn't want to. Any way that she could be close to him was worth all the confusion and pain.

They were close, but they didn't have a relationship, only that made any sense to them. What they had was indescribable. They didn't expect things from each other, that was what made it easy. If one wanted to hang out, then they would, if one wanted to go out, they would, but they never said it was a date and they never said they were together in a romantic way. And that is where everything became confusing.

Dana parked in front of her apartment building.

She sighed. Maybe she should end the arrangement. She was the one getting hurt. Mulder seemed to be doing just fine.

Dana unlocked the door to her apartment and walked in.

She went into her bathroom and undressed. The shower felt wonderful on her tired body.

Lately she was more tired then usual, but she figured it was because she was with Mulder during the work week and they had had trying cases lately. Maybe they needed to limit their meetings to weekend's only. She would talk to him about that later.

She finished and dressed. Impeccable as usual.

She looked at the time, it was only six-thirty. She didn't need to be in until eight. She decided that she needed a bit more sleep. She laid on her couch and dozed off.

* * *

Dana was annoyed when she heard her cell phone go off for the third time. She didn't want to get up. She sat up groggily and was surprised to see that the sun had fully risen and that it looked like it was nearly noon.

She looked at her watch, it was eleven, "Oh st," she said and quickly answered her phone.

"Scully," she said.

"Hey, it's me, where are you?" Mulder said obviously worried.

"Sorry, I fell asleep, I was just so tired," she explained, getting up and walking into the bathroom.

"You know, if you kept some of your clothes at my place, you wouldn't need to leave so early," he said.

"Mulder, couples do that, we are not a couple," she said tactlessly as she fixed her hair and straightened her clothes.

"I know, it would just be convenient is what I meant," he said sounding small.

She sighed, "I wouldn't feel comfortable, that's all, look, I'm heading out now, I'll see you in twenty," she said and hung up before he could respond.

* * *

Dana made her way to the basement. Mulder was just typing up something. She was hoping it was the report on the last assignment they had. She wasn't looking forward to doing it.

He looked up and smiled slightly at her.

"Sorry," she said again.

"Don't worry, but, um, you will need to explain to Skinner, we had an unexpected meeting at nine," Mulder said looking at his watch, "Three hours ago,"

She groaned, putting her stuff on her desk, "I'll call him," she said and dialed Skinner's extension.

Mulder listened to the one-sided conversation.

"Yes, sir, sorry, we'll be up right now," she said and hung up.

"Are we in trouble?" Mulder asked getting his suit jacket.

"He didn't say," she said and led the way out.

* * *

They seated themselves in front of the A.D.

"Well, I asked you here, because I have assignments for you two," Skinner started.

Mulder and Scully exchanged bemused glances.

"Assignments, sir?" Mulder asked stressing the pluralism of the word.

"Yes, I have a case for you Agent Mulder, in Connecticut, " Skinner said, "And Agent Scully, I need you to teach at Quantico, a professor there is on maternity leave, they need someone to fill in for the six weeks, and since you used to teach, they asked for you," he said.

"Um, of course," she said.

"Will I be working alone?" Mulder asked.

"No, Agent Erica Matthews, will be assigned to you for this case, you will meet with her later, you and Agent Matthews are to fly out tonight," Skinner said, "All right, well then you are dismissed, and Agent Scully, you can leave for the rest of the day, the professor at Quantico will need to update you with her lesson plans,"

"Yes sir," she said.

They both returned to the office.

"I'm surprised," was all Mulder said as he looked through the case file.

"Anything good?" Scully asked.

He looked at her wryly, "In your standards, or mine?"

She smiled at him, "Never mind, then," she said and picked up her purse.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" Mulder said placing the case file down.

"Yeah, what about," she said.

"Us," he said simply.

"Uh, anything but that, I thought we agreed with everything in the beginning," she said uncomfortably.

"Yeah, but…you're right," he said and dismissed the whole conversation, "Anyway, are you all right?"

"Yeah, why," Scully said.

"You never sleep late, or show up to work late, is anything wrong," he asked with deep concern.

"I'm fine, but i was thinking that maybe we should only see each other on weekends," Scully said awkwardly.

"Yeah, we can do that," he agreed somewhat reluctantly.

He sat behind his desk and picked up what he was doing earlier. She looked at him confused. Maybe they really did need to end the arrangement, if it was going to start affecting the way they worked together. She didn't want to lose the friendship.

"The arrangement, in retrospect, really was a bad idea. What were they thinking?" Dana thought.

It was unusual for him to bring up their "arrangement" at work. At work, they were Mulder and Scully, just partners, friends, but nothing more. The office was sacred ground, not to be befouled with their personal doings.

She shrugged it off and was about to leave when a woman entered the office. A beautiful, leggy, blonde blue eyed, and not to mention the chest, woman.

"Hi," she said looking at both of them, "I'm looking for Agent Mulder,"

"Hi, I take it your Agent Matthews," Mulder said, standing up to shake her hand, and offer her that smile Dana hated when it wasn't directed at her.

The woman offered a smile of her own, "Oh, Erica is fine,"

Dana rolled her eyes, annoyed with the way women were with him, but she knew that Mulder didn't mind. Why should he, he wasn't taken. Dana had no claim on him. She swallowed her feelings bitterly.

He's not your boyfriend, he's your partner and just someone you fuck, she told herself.

Finally Agent Matthews looked at Dana.

"Hi, you must be Agent Scully," she said extending her hand.

Dana took it, and smiled politely, "Hi, well, good luck with the case; you too Agent Mulder," she said trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

She forced a smile at Mulder and walked out of the office.

"Why does it seem that the F.B.I. is hiring supermodels all of a sudden," she thought feeling slightly inferior, pushing the button to the elevator.

"Scully," Mulder called and walked over to her.

She was waiting for the elevator and damning it for being so slow. She put on her best 'I don't care' look and turned to him

"Yeah," she said.

"Um, can I call you later?" he said softly, so only she could hear him.

"Probably not a good idea, I mean you might be busy, with the case I mean," she said a little harsher then she meant.

He looked slightly ashamed, "I would like to though, if you didn't mind,"

"You can, if I'm home, I need to head over to Quantico," she said turning back to the elevator, still damning it.

"Dana…" he started.

"Mulder, don't worry, okay, I'll see you when we finish our assignments, you owe no explanations," she said sincerely.

"I'll miss you," he said suddenly.

She only looked at him, surprised. He leaned in to kiss her, but she quickly turned her head and he instead caught her cheek.

"We're at work, it's inappropriate," she offered as her excuse.

He looked at her disappointed, "Right, I forgot, see you later," he said annoyed and walked back into the office.

She looked at him regretfully. The elevator didn't show up still. She decided to take the stairs.

**Author's note: **

**one: **_I started writing this story for my pleasure and it only made sense to me, and it probably only still does, sorry for that, but then I thought it might be post worthy if I really worked on it, so here it is. _

**Two: **_I know Scully's character is confusing, that her thoughts contradict her actions, but I promise in later chapters it will all come together and make sense; I meant for the story to be written this way. And it does get better, anyway, __let me know if I should continue or trash the whole idea, thanks for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: My _God, the man you know as Chris Carter, has leant me Mulder and Scully again_ _and a few of the Scully clan._

**Chapter two**

Dana had finished her briefing with the professor she was replacing at Quantico. She had taken home some assignments she was supposed to grade and the lesson plan the other teacher had set up.

She thought that this would be a longer assignment then what Mulder had. She had to teach for about six weeks. His case should be done within the next week or two.

Dana put all the stuff on the kitchen table and collapsed onto the couch. She sighed. She was so still tired.

She looked at the time. It was nearing five.

At least she would have the whole weekend to rest, and be away from Mulder. At the moment she didn't know if that was a good thing or bad thing.

She got up to check her messages. Two from Mulder already. She hadn't picked up for him when he called her cell. His message said that he just wanted to talk.

She decided to continue to ignore him. The next message was from her mother.

Dana called her back.

"Hello?" Margaret Scully answered.

"Hi, mom," Dana said seating herself at the kitchen table.

"Oh, hi honey, glad I caught you, I was afraid you would be out of town," Margaret said.

"Well, don't worry for a while, I'll be in town for about six weeks permanently," Dana said.

"Oh, why is that?" Margaret said confused slightly.

"They have me teaching again, only while the professor is on maternity leave," she explained.

"I'm glad, but I was wondering if you could join your family for dinner tonight," Margaret said.

"Oh, what's the occasion?" Dana asked.

"Charlie is in town, and so is Bill, we all thought we could get together since you know your brothers are hardly ever in town at the same time," Margaret said, "And I haven't seen you in a while; you could bring Fox if you want,"

"I can make it, but Fox can't, he has a case," Dana said.

"Oh, okay, well can you be here at eight tonight?" Margaret said.

"Yeah, I'll get ready, see you in awhile then, bye mom," Dana said.

"Bye honey," Margaret said and hung up.

Dana sighed tiredly. She didn't really want to, but she knew that she really didn't see her family enough.

She got up and changed her clothes, not really looking forward to the forty-five minute drive.

Dana was about to leave when her phone rang. She wanted to leave it, but she knew who it was and she also knew that if she didn't answer he would be calling her cell all night too.

She walked back into her kitchen, "Hi, Mulder,"

"Hey, you know it's me," he said.

She could hear the smile in his voice. Dana was glad that the fight was gone.

"What's going on, did you leave already?" she asked.

"Yeah, landed about an hour ago, and now I am in the motel," he said.

"Great, good luck with the case," she said.

"I wish I was working with you," he said sincerely.

"Yeah, well, I'm glad to be stationed for the six weeks," Dana said sitting at the kitchen table, realizing this might be a longer conversation.

"Hope you don't get too used to it," Mulder said.

"I probably won't, anyway, how is Agent Matthews?" Dana asked clear to keep the jealously out of her voice.

"She's all right, and don't worry, she isn't trying to get in my pants only, I think she is after a few agents here too," he said.

"I wasn't too worried, and even so, it's none of my business," Dana said nonchalantly.

Mulder sighed and it was a sigh that she knew that meant she had just pissed him off, "Dana, why are you suddenly so indifferent towards me, I mean…uh…what we do hasn't changed, but the way you act…what are you upset about," Mulder said suddenly angry.

"I'm not upset, look you know work is stressing, I guess I'm letting it get to me," she lied.

"That's why we stuck with each other, because we couldn't handle relationships with other people, now _we _don't seem to be doing well," Mulder said disdainfully.

"We are not in a relationship, and if it's starting to feel like that, then maybe we should stop what we are doing," Scully said now getting annoyed.

Mulder became quiet.

"Mulder?" Scully said after a while of silence.

"Do you want to stop?" Mulder asked.

"I don't know, but I don't want to fight about it, we decided that we were only 'bed buddies', nothing more, and I'm fine with it but I don't want either of us to get confused, we are not in a relationship, you can do whatever or whoever you want, the same as I can," Dana said firmly.

"Well, maybe things changed, maybe I don't want to be doing whoever, and I don't want you to be doing whoever either," Mulder said.

"Listen, I was just on my way out, can we talk later," she said not wanting to deal with it.

"Where are you going?" Mulder asked.

"It's really none of your business," she said heatedly.

"Fine, whatever, talk to you later," he said and hung up swiftly.

He didn't even give her a chance to respond. Now she felt bad.

Dana hung up the phone, in a mood now, and headed for her mother's.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **_Chris Carter, aka god, owns Mulder, Scully and the Scully family._

**Author's note: **_OK, I am totally a self conscious writer, I write what I want to read and sometimes it's not what others would like to read, but sometimes i get lucky, like with this story. I know i have had no complaints and my beta-reader is in love with the story, but...again self-conscious and as a writer, i am my own worst critic. Anyway, I've come to a place that I am having second thoughts about continuing to post. I like the story, but well, duh, I wrote it for my pleasure as I said in the beginning. Anyway, I am totally thinking of giving up on this story for public viewing but I'll let you guys tell me what you think of this chapter. I'll keep updating if anyone really wants me to, otherwise this is the last update._

**Chapter three**

The drive to her mother's wasn't as bad as she thought it was. She parked and entered the house. She was the last one to arrive.

"Charlie, Bill," Dana greeted when they came into the hall.

"Dana, hey," Charlie said embracing her, "It's really been to long," he said.

She smiled, and was then attacked by two girls and her nephew,

"Aunt Dana," the girls said.

Matthew, Bill's son, was nearly three. She picked him up and kissed him. The little boy only smiled at her.

"Hey Sara, and Joyce," she said to her niece's and was led into the living room by them.

In the living room were her sisters-in-law, and mother.

Margaret got up, "Hi, honey," she said and kissed Dana's cheek.

"Hi, mom," Dana said and sat next to Bill's wife, Tara.

"Hi, Tara, gosh, Matthew is so big now," Dana smiled.

"Yeah, and handful, running all over the place," Tara said, smiling.

"Hello, Heather," Dana greeted Charlie's wife.

"Hi, Dana, it's been a while," she smiled at Dana, "The girl's miss you a lot,"

"I miss all of you guys too, I realize every time I come and visit, I let work take up too much of my time," Dana said.

"Yeah, but mom says you're working back at Quantico, that's great," Bill said coming to sit on the floor next to his wife.

"Yes, I am, but it's not permanent," Dana said a bit annoyed.

Charlie saw a Bill and Dana fight beginning and changed the subject, "Well, Dana, we need to get you down to San Diego, the girls really do miss their aunt, and I miss my big sister too," he said.

She smiled at him and the girls, who were now sitting at her feet, playing with Matthew, "Maybe, when I can find some time,"

The Scully's all got caught up and then moved the conversation to the dining room for dinner.

Dana was happy being with her family, but she always felt a bit down. Seeing all the kids with their parents, her brothers, made her realize all over again, how she would never have that.

She started to feel nauseous and excused herself to the bathroom.

She did get sick, and was feeling worse.

Her mother knocked on the door, "Dana, honey, are you all right?"

"Yeah, mom, give me a minute," Dana said as she cleaned up.

Dana opened the door, "I'm fine, really,"

"You don't look fine, maybe you should rest," Margaret said.

"No, I don't get to see family too often, I don't want to spend it sleeping," Dana assured her.

"Well, all right, but you can rest if you need to, no one would hold it against you, we all know how tiring your job is," Margaret said.

Dana only nodded and went back downstairs.

Everyone was back in the living room.

"Dana, are you all right," Tara asked.

"Oh, yeah, just stress," Dana said sitting next to Charlie.

"Well, at least being away from Fox and those _X-files_, should make you better," Bill said.

"Bill, lay off, I work there not you," Dana snapped.

"I'm just saying you push yourself too much with that work," Bill said.

"Come on guys, we hardly ever get to see each other, can we have peace," Charlie said.

Dana and Bill eyed each other, but relented.

Dana played with her nieces. She loved being with them. She wished that she could have a child of her own. And it hurt so much when she reminded herself that she could never. It didn't matter if she ever got married. She would never give birth.

"Um, well, it's getting late, and soon we will have to go, but we also want to make an announcement," Bill started not able to suppress a grin.

"Oh, Bill really?" Margaret said catching on quickly.

"Yeah, mom, you will be a grandma for a fourth time," Bill said taking hold of Tara's hand, smiling at his wife.

"Congratulations," Margaret said kissing Tara and Bill.

Every was excited. Dana tried to be. She would have a new niece or nephew in January.

* * *

It was nearing midnight when everyone left for home. Dana hung around to help her mother clean up.

"I'm sorry for the way you must be feeling, Dana," Margaret said when they finished with the dishes and sat in the living room.

"I'm fine mom, I'm really happy for Bill," Dana said not at all sounding it.

"I know you are, but I know you're feeling a loss," Margaret said.

"I am, but really, I like having nieces and nephew, and a new one on the way," Dana said.

"I know, so tell me, why were you feeling sick, are you really okay," Margaret said seriously.

"Mom, really I am," Dana said looking at her.

"I hope so, its just that you didn't tell me when you first got cancer, I don't know if you wouldn't do the same again," her mother said.

"Mom, I know better now, I've just been feeling some stress, and I've been so tired, but I know I'm not sick," Dana said.

"Are you sure, maybe you should go to the doctor," Margaret said.

"Mom, I'm fine, just tired, maybe it is work, but now I'll be up at Quantico," Dana said getting off of the subject.

"I'm glad, you'll be in town more often," Margaret said.

"Yeah, I think I will like traveling less," Dana yawned.

"Will it be permanent?" Margaret asked.

"I don't think so, I'm sure the teacher before me will return," Dana said unsure, "Well, anyway, mom, I should go, before I get too tired,"

"No, why don't you stay," Margaret said, "It's the weekend, you don't have to work,"

"I know…," Dana started.

"I hardly get to see you the most and you live closer then your brothers," Margaret pleaded.

"All right mom, I'll stay," Dana said, "I'm going to head up to bed, I'll see you in the morning,"

Margaret kissed her daughter goodnight, and Dana went up to her old bedroom. The one she had shared with her sister Melissa.

Dana got ready for bed, but as she did, she realized how much she really did missed her sister.

Dana missed talking with her sister. Maybe Melissa could have helped her sort out her feelings, help Dana make sense of everything, like she used to. Melissa was always nonjudgmental and had given her good advice, and supported her through anything. Dana really wished she had her sister.

Dana sighed and settled in her bed. She saw her cell phone had four missed calls. She had turned off the volume so that she wouldn't be disturbed.

Dana knew who the calls were from, and right now she was too tired to deal with it. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Dana woke the next morning feeling very ill. She spent most of the morning in the bathroom vomiting. She and her mother couldn't figure out why she was so sick.

"Maybe it was something I ate," Dana complained, once her stomach calmed.

"Hey, I ate my cooking, and I'm fine," Margaret said, making Dana some tea and toast.

"Sorry, I just don't know what's wrong, honestly, I've been feeling sick for a few weeks now, but it's getting worse," Dana said from the couch she was laying on.

Margaret brought her the tea and toast, but Dana rejected it.

"You need some nourishment, you'll dehydrate," Margaret said.

"I can't, later mom," Dana said weakly.

"Should I take you to the doctor," Margaret asked worrisome.

"No, I should probably head home," Dana said.

"No, not while you are this sick," Margaret said.

"Wanting to baby me?" Dana smiled.

Margaret gave her a warm smile, and smoothed Dana's hair from her face, "Maybe, I miss mothering you and your siblings, all of you are grown now, and don't need me as much,"

"I need you, I'm just never around," Dana said.

"I know, I just miss having all of you home; Bill has Tara and Matthew, and now another one coming, and Charlie has his family and never has time to come up, I just miss the family," Margaret said.

"I'm sorry I can't give you a grandchild," Dana said softly.

"Oh, honey, I didn't mean it like that," Margaret said.

"I do, I mean if I did have a child, I would be close so that you could see it, you wouldn't be so lonely then," Dana said.

"I know, but I love this life anyway, and I don't want you feeling any guilt, at least for me, I love you, I'm just sorry for you," Margaret said and kissed her daughter's forehead.

They were quiet for a while, lost in their own thoughts.

"So, how is Fox?" Margaret asked.

"He's fine," Dana answered simply.

"Is he dating?" Margaret asked.

"Not that I know of," Dana said.

"Oh, how are you two doing with work, he can't be too happy having you away from the division," Margaret said.

"He's fine, I don't think he would mind," Dana said a bit bitterly, "He has a partner for this case,"

"Ah, a beautiful woman, you're jealous," Margaret lightly teased.

"I am not, I just don't…I don't know, maybe," Dana finally relented.

"Why don't you tell him, that you love him," Margaret said.

"It's not that simple, we're partners, it would get in the way of work," Dana said, knowing that was her argument with Mulder.

"Then stay with Quantico, you wouldn't be working together then," Margaret said, "You're not getting any younger, both of you,"

"I know, can we get off of the subject?" Dana said.

"All right, are you seeing anyone?" Margaret said.

Dana laughed, "So now you're going to pick on me personally,"

"No, I just want to know, so are you," Margaret said smiling.

"Maybe, it's not serious though," Dana said deciding that she didn't really want to lie to her mother.

"Is he a good man?" Margaret asked sounding surprised.

"Yeah, he is, but we don't really have a relationship, I don't know what we really have, everything is so confused right now," Dana said.

"Well, you should bring him up, I would like to meet him, I mean when you two get things figured out," Margaret said.

"We'll see, but I should leave today, I feel well enough to drive now," Dana said sitting up.

"Oh, I was hoping you would stay through the weekend, I mean if you have to go, then…" Margaret said disappointed.

"I could stay, I just don't want to be a bother," Dana said.

"How could you, you're my daughter, I love having you here, come on, let me make you something for lunch," Margaret said.

"All right," Dana said.

Margaret disappeared into the kitchen.

Dana loved being home, but she was worrying about what could be making her so sick, and also trying to not let her mind stray to the worst.

She instinctively touched the back of her neck. Her finger's ran over the skin that was now scarred from where the chip was put in nearly three years ago. It had to still be working. She wasn't in a place to be dealing with it again. She had too much to deal with now, and too many people she cared about, and that cared about her to go through that misery again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: _Mulder and Scully do not belong to me, Chris Carter is still a lucky man._

**Author's note**_: I'm surprised that I had so much support on this, I really didn't think anyone cared that much for it, so thanks to all for the support; sort of boosts my confidence, although I still feel very self-conscious and really shy about this story. Hope I can still keep you guys interested. Anyway on with the show._

**Chapter four**

It was Sunday morning and instead of being in church like Dana had planned with her mother, she was again in the bathroom. Dana had been in there for an hour now, and was exhausted from her body trying to get rid of nothing. She knew that the way she had been sick, her stomach shouldn't have anything left.

"Dana, I think we should take you to the doctor," Margaret said, her voice heavy with concern.

"No, mom, maybe it will be like yesterday, I'll be better in a moment," Dana said weakly.

Margaret opened the bathroom door, "Honey, you know that something is wrong," she said as she knelt next to Dana and wiped her face with a wet washcloth.

"Mom, I don't want to know, I'm…I'm afraid," Dana admitted.

"I know, and I am too, but we need to know," Margaret said softly.

"I'll get ready," Dana said reluctantly.

* * *

Dana and Margaret sat in the emergency room for two hours now. The doctor had taken some blood to test if her cancer had returned and to see if anything else was wrong with her body.

They were waiting for the test results.

Dana was getting annoyed with waiting, "They should have let me done the tests, I would have done them quicker," Dana complained.

"Doctors make the worst patients," Margaret smiled.

Dana did too, "Sorry, I just hate waiting,"

Finally Dr. Megan James came to get them and led them into her office, "Well, we have the results, and you're fine Ms. Scully,"

"How can that be, I've been horribly sick for the last two days, and feeling it for weeks," Dana said appalled.

"Well, the only thing I can think of is the one thing you tell me is impossible," Dr. James said.

"I'm not pregnant," Dana said firmly.

"Well, are you in a sexual relationship?" Dr. James asked.

Dana blushed a bit. She was thirty-six, but still felt embarrassed being asked such a question in front of her mother.

"Yes," Dana said.

"For how long?" the doctor asked.

"About a year," Dana answered.

"Well, then I think we should test for pregnancy, just to rule it out," Dr. James said.

"Fine," Dana said and followed a nurse.

She did the test and they waited for what the test stick would say.

Dr. James looked at it and smiled, "Well, congratulations, Dana, the impossible is possible, you're pregnant,"

Dana had to sit down. She couldn't believe it.

"Oh, Dana, I'm so happy for you," Margaret said hugging her daughter, but looked confused at Dana's reaction.

"I'll be back so I can make an appointment for you Dana, " the doctor said.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Margaret asked.

"I don't know what to say, but what do I do about…" Dana said, but quickly stopped herself from saying Mulder's name.

"You mean the father?" Margaret asked.

"Yeah, mom, he and I aren't exactly dating, I mean committed in that sense," Dana said.

"Oh, Dana, I'm sorry, but be happy, you said he was a good man, maybe he will be happy too," Margaret said.

"I want to go home," Dana said sounding, if possible, more exhausted.

"All right," Margaret said touching Dana's hand.

The doctor made an appointment with an OB/GYN in Dana's area for later that week.

* * *

Dana sat in her mother's living room. She was ecstatic, but confused. She never thought she would ever have a child, but to have one with Mulder. It wasn't something that she had expected, or if she was sure that she had really wanted it, at least now.

"Dana, you have to tell him," Margaret said reading her daughter's mind and coming to sit with her.

Dana looked up at her startled, "I know, but I can't right now," Dana said.

"Can you tell me who he is?" Margaret asked.

"Not now, mom, sorry, I will when I get things figured out with him," Dana promised.

"All right, but be happy, I am, you get to be a mother," Margaret said holding her daughter and was surprised when Dana cried.

"Oh, baby girl, what's wrong," Margaret consoled.

"I mean I am happy, I can't believe it, but I guess I just wish things were a bit different with the father, I don't know if I can tell him or if I want to, I don't know what he saw in a future with me, or what I thought of a future with him, at least with the idea of children, all of this was obviously unexpected," Dana said through her tears.

"Just talk with him, I'm sure he'll be happy, and if he isn't, well, you know you have family, and your brother's to kick his ass," Margaret said.

Dana laughed and wiped her tears, "Thank you, but please don't tell anyone yet,"

"I won't, this stays between you and me," Margaret said.

"Well, I have to go, it's almost six, I have work tomorrow," Dana said, "I'll call you after the appointment this week,"

"I could go with you to that appointment," Margaret offered.

"Would you, I'd appreciate that?" Dana said, "So, I'll see you on Thursday at one pm then,"

"All right, I love you, Dana, you'll be fine," Margaret said.

"Thanks mom, see you later," Dana said and headed for her car.

* * *

Dana arrived home at a little after seven that evening.

She was still trying to accept that she was pregnant and arguing with herself about it.

It isn't possible, she thought. Dana placed a hand on her stomach, wishing she could feel it, just so that she could really know. Words at the moment didn't mean much. She knew that doctors could make mistakes, and if this were one of those times, she didn't think she could really handle it. Even if she wasn't really happy with the situation.

She sighed exhausted.

Now all she had to do was tell Mulder, but she didn't even know what he would think.

Mulder seemed to want to be with her now, but it was that he wanted to be with _her_. Now that she was pregnant, well that hadn't been apart of the deal between them.

Dana didn't know if Mulder had meant with children because, well the reason they didn't ever use protection was because they both believed that she couldn't get pregnant. Neither mention commitment or family. Sex was all it seemed to be when they got together outside of work.

She never thought to ask or discuss with Mulder the 'what if's' of their relationship because the fact was they were not a couple. None of it mattered, or at least it wasn't supposed to.

Dana sat on her couch. She was saddened when she realized that this child may not have even been conceived in love.

They had just been using each other, there was no other way to say it. It was true that the friendship was sincere and honest, but love of a friend was a whole lot different then love of a lover.

What was she supposed to do? What if Mulder really didn't want to be a father, what if he didn't want to be there for her.

Dana pushed the thoughts away. She could deal with this without him. She knew that she was strong.

Dana decided that it was best to not tell Mulder for now and to end the 'arrangement'.

She was not looking forward to that conversation.

Her home phone rang startling her out of her thoughts. She picked it up.

"Hello?" she said.

"Finally, where have you been, I've been trying to get in touch with you all weekend," Mulder said sounding both relieved and pissed off.

"Sorry, I spent the weekend with my mom," Dana said.

"The whole weekend?" he questioned in disbelief.

"Yeah, why are you angry, what did you want," Dana said feeling angry now.

"Sorry, it's just that you don't tell me where you'll be on Friday, and then he whole weekend I can't get a hold of you," Mulder said calming.

Dana picked up her cell phone and saw that she had missed him fifteen times.

"I'm sorry, just catching up with my mom; so what did you want," she asked.

"I just wanted to know if you were all right," Mulder said.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Dana asked confused.

"I was just wondering if you thought about what I said on Friday," Mulder said sounding awkward.

Dana thought real hard, but her mind was drawing a blank, "I'm sorry, Mulder, I don't remember what you're talking about, I've been feeling a bit under the weather this weekend,"

"Are you all right now?" Mulder asked with true concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine now, so what did we talk about?" Dana asked.

"We talked about our arrangement, I was saying that I don't want to be just 'bed buddies' as you put it, anymore, I want to be something more meaningful," Mulder said sounding timid.

Dana had become slightly hesitant. She remembered the conversation, but she had realized that she wasn't ready for it, and didn't think now was the time to be discussing their relationship, at least until she talked with him about the pregnancy. She needed to postpone it for now.

Dana sighed, "Mulder the reason we had the agreement was because we couldn't make a relationship work with anyone, why the hell would you think we could make one work between us?" she nearly laughed at the idea.

"Because we understand each other, we would know what to expect from each other, and know the limitations, and because…I know that we love each other," Mulder said sounding a bit embarrassed.

"That…all of it is true, but Mulder, I really don't think it would work, I can't do that right now," she said.

"Can't or won't, what are you afraid of?" he asked annoyed.

"I'm not afraid, I just know we wouldn't work, I mean Mulder, you spend all of your time on the x-files; the reason's other women wouldn't want you, are the same I don't want you, not for a relationship I mean," Dana said honestly.

Mulder became quiet, and Dana felt like a jerk. She knew she was being insensitive.

"Mulder…." she started.

"No, don't worry, I mean I want you to be honest, so you are, thanks, it's great insight for me," Mulder said clearly hurt and angry.

Dana sighed, her heart breaking, "Mulder, I think we should stop sleeping together," Dana said,

"Perfect, I was just thinking the same thing," Mulder said snidely and hung up on her.

Dana hung up the phone, not sure of what she should be feeling. At the moment she just felt a void in her heart, but wasn't able to cry for it. Dana knew that for now being apart would be for the best.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **_Mulder, Scully, and whoever else that belongs to Chris Carter, still do. _

**Author's note one: **_continued thanks to all for the continued interest, support, and reviews for this story. Sorry for some confusion with Scully and the story in the last chapter, I didn't re-read that chapter too well and had left some lines I meant to change and take out when I took this story in a new direction at the last minute, I revised it, and if you want you can read it again, not really necessary though, and if you're still confused, sorry, Anyway… _

**Chapter five**

Dana had finished her first three days at Quantico. Nothing exciting with it. She did like teaching, but now it felt so mundane compared to working out in the field with the x-files. She hated to admit it, but she did miss it.

Dana had taken Thursday off so that she could go to her first doctor's appointment for her pregnancy. Also on that day she had decided to make an appointment to speak with Skinner. Dana knew that she needed to talk with him about maybe transferring out of the x-files and to let him know that she was pregnant.

Dana was glad that Mulder was still on assignment while she had to do that. They still hadn't spoken since their last conversation.

Margaret had picked Dana up so that she could take her to the appointment. She was excited for her daughter.

Dana was excited too, but was nervous as well. Dana had been told numerous times that she would never be able to conceive, so this was still feeling a bit surreal for her. Dana just wanted to make sure that it was really happening. If she found out that it was a mistake she didn't know what to think of it. She hadn't prepared herself for that disappointment yet.

Dana lay on the table waiting for the doctor. Margaret and Dana talked about nothing important. Margaret was just trying to keep Dana from worrying too much.

"Hello, Miss Scully," the doctor said coming into the room, "I'm Dr. Alice Keith," she said introducing herself to Dana and Margaret.

"So, you ready to see this baby?" the doctor asked.

"Guess so," Dana smiled slightly.

"All, right, well, let's get started," Dr. Keith said turning on the sonogram machine.

Dana pulled up her shirt over her stomach and Dr. Keith put the lubricant on Dana's stomach and searched her abdomen with the sonogram wand. She took measurements of the baby.

After while Dr. Keith said, "Oh my."

"What's wrong?" Dana asked immediately concerned.

"No, nothing, it's just that, well, Dana, you're having twins," Dr. Keith smiled.

"Oh my god," Dana said astonished.

Margaret squealed with happiness, "Oh, Dana, it's so wonderful,"

Dana looked at the sonogram screen in disbelief, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, see here are the two heart beats," Dr. Keith said indicating two blobs on the screen that kept moving in rhythm.

Dana only nodded, "How far along am I," Dana asked.

"Well, by the looks of it, you seem to be about three months now," the doctor said.

Dana cried suddenly. Margaret held her hand in comfort.

"I'm sorry, it's just that I wasn't suppose to able to get pregnant, now I have two," Dana explained to the doctor.

"Well, congratulations, you have two miracles now; so I will see you every month and then we'll decide in the last three month how often, because of your age, history, and because you're carrying twins," the doctor said and left the room.

"Oh, my god, mom, this is so hard to believe," Dana said sitting up, but happy.

"I know, honey, I am so happy for you, twins, it's perfect," Margaret said happily, "So when are you going to tell the father?" she asked.

"I don't know mom, he and I had a fight and we haven't talked in the last few days," Dana said not really wanting to talk about Mulder.

Not that her mother knew that was who they were talking about.

"I'm sorry, I'll stop asking, just keep me updated, please," Margaret said and kissed Dana's cheek.

"I will, mom, promise; well, I have to go and talk to my boss now, can you take me?" Dana asked.

"Of course," Margaret said and the exited the doctor's office.

* * *

Dana sat in A.D. Skinner's waiting room feeling slightly nervous.

"Agent Scully," Kimberly said.

Dana looked up startled. She had been lost in her own thoughts.

"He can see you now," she said.

Dana nodded her thanks and walked into Skinner's office.

She sat in front of him like always.

"So, what brings you here Agent Scully?" Skinner asked.

"Uh…well, I thought that I should let you know, that, well, I'm, um, pregnant," she said awkwardly and was surprised and how difficult it was to say to him.

He looked at her surprised, "Wow, I'm surprised, uh, congratulations," he smiled at her.

"Thank you, but well obviously I can't work in the field, it's too dangerous, especially the x-files" Dana said.

"Right, well, then you'll want to transfer out?" Skinner asked.

"Yes, I've been offered a permanent position with Quantico," Dana said.

"Okay, well, then I will just draw up the papers and sign off on them, and have Mulder do the same, since he is senior agent in that division, does he know?" Skinner said.

"Uh, no, I haven't talked with him about it yet, but either way it's my decision," Dana said.

"Of course, well, good luck, with everything, and you know you can always come back," Skinner said.

"Thank you, sir," Dana said and left his office and the Hoover building for good.

Dana knew that she would never be coming back. She felt a slight sadness about it, but shrugged it off, she had other things to worry about.

* * *

It was now two weeks that Dana had requested a transfer from the x-files. Mulder had not returned from his case yet. He didn't know about her situation. Dana knew that she was being cowardly by not telling him in person, but she wasn't looking forward to that conversation.

It was Thursday night and Dana was just looking over some of her students work and finishing up her dinner. She was a bit on edge. She had heard that Mulder was to return that night and she was waiting for the call or for him to show up at her apartment.

Dana was hoping for the phone call.

She knew that they still hadn't resolved their last conversation. Dana still felt like jerk for what she said. She had meant what she said, but she wished she had been a bit more tactful about how she had said it. Mulder was still her best friend, she knew that she should have treated him better then that.

The phone rang at nine-thirty. Dana just stared at it. She knew that it was him, but she didn't know if she was ready for the conversation yet.

She chided herself for being a coward still and got up to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Dana answered.

"So…found out today that you transferred out of the x-files, had to sign off on the papers today," Mulder said coolly.

"Yeah, I should have told you, but I knew that you were angry with me…" Dana started.

Dana heard him sighed. She felt worse at not telling him. She should have done it personally and not let him find out through paperwork.

"Really, was our situation that bad that you needed to leave, I would be fine just going back to friends, I just miss you, I miss us," Mulder said sincerely.

"I just had to leave, it wasn't anything personal, not against you, I promise," Dana said.

"Don't lie to me, that's the least you could do for me," Mulder said scornfully.

"I'm not and I don't want to fight about it, but I am sorry all right," Dana said annoyed.

"All right, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," Mulder said relenting, " Can I come and see you?" he asked.

Dana hesitated. She instinctively touched her stomach. She wasn't showing yet, but she was still worried of him finding out. That was another conversation that she was not ready to have yet either.

"No, not tonight, I'm sorry; we can make plans," Dana said lightly.

"When did I ever have to make plans before?" Mulder asked hurt.

"I'm sorry, I'm just tired tonight," Dana offered as her excuse.

Mulder was quiet for a moment before he spoke. Dana knew that he had been thinking, not really a good thing when it came to the subject of them.

"Are you seeing someone?" Mulder asked timidly.

"That's none of your business if I was and why does that have to be a reason as to why I don't want to see you," Dana said slightly offended.

"I just wanted to know why you're pushing me away, you still haven't given me a legitimate reason and things were fine up until a month ago, and it's getting worse, if you're seeing someone, just tell me," Mulder said aggrieved.

"I'm not, I promise, things just happened, I'm sorry, please can we not talk about it now, I have work tomorrow," Dana said wearily.

"Fine, call me when you have some free time," Mulder said moodily.

"All right, goodnight Mulder," Dana said and hung up the phone.

She sighed. Dana knew that she couldn't keep lying to him. Eventually she would begin to show, or someone would find out and it would get back to him.

Dana wished things were easier with them. She wished that they had been in a relationship.

Dana wished that they had loved each other honestly before now, and she hated that she wished it wasn't Mulder.

That thought hurt her so much.

Dana knew now that she honestly loved Mulder, but he was such a complicated man. She knew the truth was that she couldn't count on him. He was dedicated to his work and she and their children would always be second.

Mulder needed to get his priorities straight, but Dana also knew that he would never be happy with a domestic life. He just wasn't that type of man. At least that was the way it seemed.

For now this was her secret.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **_Mulder, Scully, and whoever else that belongs to Chris Carter, still do. _

**Author's note**_: okay, I wrote this chapter before my life became hectic, and decided to post it, but it is the last posting until December, oddly three of my best family members are dealing with the law and I may lose two, so you see I'm not in the best mood for writing right now. Anyway…_

**Chapter six**

Dana had just finished teaching her last class for the day. She gathered her stuff up and went to her office.

Dana was now five months pregnant. She was happy with it now, but always tired.

It had been a month and a half since Dana had spoken with Mulder.

She knew that he was still angry with her and she thought that it was best to leave him alone for a while.

Dana put her stuff down on her desk and sat in her chair. She rested her hand on her growing stomach.

Now she was obviously pregnant, especially with twins. She had no way of hiding her belly much. She did try though, with loose clothing and her very large sweater, but she wasn't sure at how many people she was really fooling. If any of her colleagues knew or had guessed, well they at least they let her live in her delusion.

Dana's mother, Skinner, and her bosses at Quantico were the only ones that knew for the moment.

Dana sighed wearily, she knew that it was Mulder that needed to know the most, but she didn't feel ready to deal with what would happen when she opened that door to their relationship.

She was afraid of the conversation they would have to have. She didn't want to be disappointed by him. Dana knew that she couldn't get what she wanted out of him, even if he tried to believe he could offer it to her. She just knew that it wasn't in his nature to settle down.

His work still meant a lot to him. His search for the truth, for his sister. Dana understood it and had accepted that. She wasn't going to force him into anything.

She just couldn't see him as a family man at the moment.

The idea of Mulder with children seemed more farfetched then his theories. She knew even if she told him the pregnancy, her children wouldn't be raised by him no matter what, because the moment he caught wind of an alien, or alien-abduction, or whatever x-file interested him at the time, he would take off running, leaving her behind to take care of everything, like she always did.

She didn't want their children to feel abandoned like she did when he left her behind.

Dana moved off her train of thought and started putting her papers away. It was Friday and she was looking forward to the weekend so that she could rest and do nothing.

A knock on her office door startled her.

She glanced at the clock and saw that it was seven in the evening.

"Most of the students should be gone by now," she thought curiously.

"Uh, come in," Dana called.

The door opened, and Mulder walked in. He looked at her awkwardly.

"What are you doing here?" Dana asked surprised.

"Just thought I would come by, it's been awhile," Mulder said sitting in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"It has; so what's going on, uh, how are things at work," Dana asked for the sake of conversation, trying to keep things from becoming uncomfortable with them and still continuing to put her stuff away and figuring out what needed to be taken home.

"Funny you should ask that," Mulder said casually.

She looked up at him curiously, "Oh, why?"

"Well, it's quite interesting, you left the x-files, and the Hoover building about two months ago, but rumors still circle about you," Mulder said, "However, one in particular caught my attention," he said cryptically.

Dana instinctively loosened her coat a bit around her waist, hoping she wasn't obvious, in case he finally found out.

"Oh, and which one is that, I've been out of the loop so long," she said lightly.

"It actually seems very unbelievable to me, but I thought I just had to come and see you about it anyway," Mulder said scrutinizing her.

"Well, what is it, I would like to get home some time tonight," Dana said a bit annoyed and nervous.

"Well I've been hearing that your pregnant, but I thought that couldn't be true, because one, you can't conceive, and two if you had, you would have told me right?" Mulder said heatedly.

"Yeah, if it were true," she said coolly.

Mulder looked at her searchingly, "Open your coat then, it's not that cold in here," he said suddenly.

"I hardly think this is the time or place," she quipped at being caught off guard.

"Yeah, right, I'm looking for that," he said sarcastically, "Now open your coat, prove me that those rumors are untrue," he demanded.

"I don't have to prove anything to you, it's my personal life," she said outraged.

"Yeah, well not when I know it concerns me, now open your coat, or I can do it for you," Mulder threatened, getting up and moving over to her.

Dana moved around the desk to the door and opened it, "Get out, I don't need to be harassed by you," she said furiously.

"Come on, Dana, it's a simple request, just do it, prove me wrong and I'll leave," Mulder said closing in on her.

"I'll call for security," she warned.

He seemed to contemplate it, but he took advantage of Dana letting her guard down for that moment.

He lunged at the opening of her coat and had managed to slip his hand inside.

Dana recoiled from him, "Stop it Mulder!" she shouted angrily.

He looked at her astonished, as he felt her large, roundish, firm stomach.

Dana looked at him guiltily. He kept his hand on her stomach.

"Were you ever going to tell me, I mean it's mine right?" Mulder asked, sounding as if he had been disconnected from the world.

She looked at him, then became angry, "Yes, it's yours, and no I wasn't going to tell you, not yet at least" she said pushing him roughly away from her.

"Why, were you waiting until after the birth?" he asked looking at her in disbelief.

"No, I don't know when I was going to tell you and why should I, I couldn't expect anything from you, either way I see it, I would still end up raising these children by myself," she said he voice rising in anger.

Mulder was about to respond with words of…well, he wasn't sure, but he was caught off guard, "Wait, _these_, as in more then one?"

"Yeah, twins," she stated deciding it was best to give up the fight.

"I can't believe you wouldn't tell me, and it's not fair for you to assume things of me, we never talked, I wanted a relationship, you pushed it away, pushed me away," Mulder argued.

"Mulder, you don't have a good track record of being very reliable, or responsible, and you failed at most of your relationships because of your work, I mean come on, wasn't that the reason you wanted to sleep with me, why you created the arrangement, I was convenient, and your best friend, no one else would, or wanted to put up with you, but me, but things change," Dana said honestly.

He looked at her hurt and angry, "Yeah and what does that say about you, you were just as obsessed with work as I was, you agreed to the arrangement without hesitation," he argued.

Dana was hurt at the implication, "Yeah, and I'm ending it, you're the one trying to make something out of nothing, for your part it was a pathetic attempt at trying to believe that someone could even love you, I only did it because I felt sorry for you, I don't have to settle for you, " she said furiously.

With a look of surprise and hurt, Dana knew that she had gone to far and instantly regretted what she said.

He quickly masked it with anger, "Fuck you," he said and left, slamming the door behind him.

Dana held back her tears. She messed up big time.

Dana knew that Mulder was right about her needing to have talked with him earlier. It wasn't right, or fair.

Dana sat in her chair again and did nothing for a while.

Finally she sighed heavily. She knew what she needed to do. Dana grabbed her stuff and exited the office, deciding that she needed to talk to him, hoping that it wasn't too late to make things right.

**Author's note: **_Next chapter should be in December, that's when all my families problems should be settled, but I will very much try to update sooner. Hope I don't lose you guys during this long waiting period._


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